Posts Tagged ‘howard

14
Aug
11

No Better, No Worse

Some of who know me personally are aware that I just took on a new professional role, and until I find my new groove, times to even contemplate writing will be very far and few in between.  With that being said………….

A couple of weeks ago, a good brother from Morehouse started a facebook group/page with the intention of letting students and alumni from Howard and Morehouse talk a little trash prior to the Capitol Classic at RFK in DC next month. As a two-time HBCU graduate, I have met my share of fellow HBCU alumni (from childhood to adulthood), so I saw it as a good way to talk smack with some of my boys.

Just some quick history for my non-HBCU readers who may not know any better: Howard University and Morehouse College (both founded in 1867) on an annual basis, since I was a kid, swap between #2 and #3 for best HBCU, with Morehouse’s fellow AUC  tenant, Spelman, ranking #1. So, to say the least, there is a LOT of pride between these schools.

Talk went from a variety of sports related topics (from Howard’s piss poor record in 2010 to how Morehouse got shut out the last time the two schools faced each other). Of course it evolved into a history lesson from both sides (such as how two of HU’s presidents were Morehouse grads and how some of Atlanta’s recent mayors were HU grads). The problem came in when, as more folks began to join the page, including alumni from Spelman and other out-of-scope institutions of higher learning, the page began to lose focus and folks began to take the page a tad bit too personally. I won’t go into specific examples, but suffice it to say, it got ign’ant in there.

Now, me, I didn’t worry about having to take anything personally (given that I didn’t throw anything out there personally), but some folks on both sides got went IN to the point where there was an authentic sense of anger, arrogance, hatred, and offline hollering superiority that began to imbrue the page to the point where me and some of my boys who were initially part of the group either left the group altogether or just fell back and stopped contributing.

As I observed some of this, I began to think about my interactions with the variety of black folks over my life, I began to recall how the collective WE have looked for opportunities to self-uplift at the expense of leaving each other by the side of the road. I think back to Spring ’98 when I had my choice of Howard, Morehouse, and Hampton as the schools I would attend outside of Cali. I had my reasons for choosing Howard over the other 2 aforementioned institutions, and to this day I would take nothing for my choice and for my journey, but my choice was never about one school being superior. Given that I was a first generation college graduate, a “legacy” or “pedigree” wasn’t there for me to default to (in regards to school or the organization I pledged).

For my HBCU alum who are reading this, please keep this in mind: for as much as we subtly put each other down, there are some of US within the African Diaspora who went to PWI’s that have similar conversations about how inferior Howard, Morehouse, Spelman, FAMU, and Hampton graduates are to Stanford, Harvard, UCLA, Northwestern black graduates. Case in point, a friend of mine from high school got a full ride to Spelman and she had to choose between that and paying to go to an Ivy League school. For some reason, she chose the Ivy League school because she, in her words “did not want to become a pretentious bitch with a sub-par degree.” Yeah, WOW, but that was her way of thinking based on, at the time, what she was taught and who she interacted with (FYI she has since retracted that statement, LOL).

Here’s the bottom line: As I have grown and matured in this short life of mine, I have come to realize two things.

-          God’s Will has placed me in this lane of life for a reason, and I do not look down on anyone who is, by American’s societal standards, worse than me, nor do I hold my head down around those who are allegedly better than me.

-          No matter what you do, what you accomplish, whether you get it the right way or not, there’s always going to be one person, or a legion of folks, that will NEVER grant you immunity or safety to live your life in peace nor accept you for who you are (just ask the current President of the United States).

With that in mind, despite where you have been, where you are going (or think you’re going), do your best to build up those around you, because you never know where your blessing is coming from. You could be a Howard graduate and your spouse went to Cheyney, or you could be an umemployed Morehouse Kappa who reaches out to a North Carolina A&T Que and he gets you not only back working again, but in the job that takes your career to the next level. YOU NEVER KNOW!! The man who was a big influence on my musical gift was himself a graduate of Morehouse. In fact, he was my youth choir director back in the day (God rest his soul), but most of you would know him from doing the solo to start this movie.

Life is too short to be on that bull, so do right by your blessings and your network.

06
Nov
10

The Consolation Prize

Ok, there is something that has kept going on throughout the years and I have to call people out on it. Women do it, and men do it too. Although you mean well, you are just straight wrong for doing it. In fact, I have cut ties with some folks over it because it is a slap in the face. I don’t do it because I actually try to care about other people. If you’re wondering what I’m talking about, let me give you a scenario:

Ladies, let’s say you’re in law school and you meet some really great guy. He’s everything you desire in a man once he passes the bar and pays back his student loans, but you’re willing to ride it out because his dad is a partner at a prestigious firm in DC, but you find out he has a girlfriend, and is in a happy relationship (you know this because you went to a Constitutional Law study session for your section in a seductive, low cut blouse and he didn’t give you the time of day). You two are friends, but he has clearly set boundaries that you and him won’t jump off. So it’s early April, and you know the end of the year banquet is coming up and you don’t have a date because …….. well……. the great guy isn’t available, and no one else measures up that’s in your program. So you figure, he’s from DC, so he should know a few local guys that he can hook you up with to take to the banquet and maybe connect with long term after.

Imagine if he says he does have a friend for you, but the dude got his AA from Prince George Community College, has 4 kids, 3 baby mama’s, and although he works for the “gub’ment”, he wants to be a rapper and has no plan B in case that doesn’t work out. On top of that, dude looks like Mos Def and Lil’ Wayne had a baby. But the great guy says his boy is a great guy and can vouch for him because they grew up together in SE DC.

So ladies, how would you feel if this happened to you? Would you feel like Angela did in Boomerang when Marcus Graham hooked her up with Gerard? Ok think about it, take a second………………………

Ok, you think that’s messed up right? But think about how many times you have done that to people who have been interested in you, and think about when the shoe was on the other foot when it happened to you. It has happened to me too many times to name.

This reminds of when I was in high school and I applied to the engineering program at UCLA around the time they banned affirmative action in the UC system. When I received my rejection letter in the mail, accompanying that letter was a list of local community colleges that they recommended I attend, and MAYBE after two years, if there’s a transfer spot, then I can re-apply. I looked at the letter that day, and the listing of CC’s, and TORE IT UP IMMEDIATELY. If I don’t get into UCLA, I will go to USC, Howard, Morehouse, Temple. Refer me to those schools, not El Camino, Santa Monica College, or some other 13th grade school.

Here’s the thing: Even though some of the things we look for can be perceived as uppity, shallow, or image driven, you have to factor that in when you refer friends to each other. You should never make someone feel like they only deserve a “consolation prize”. If you think that’s ok to do, and you KNOW you’re doing it, then that shows how much you care about some of the people you associate with. That’s why it’s hard for me to hook up my homegirls with some of my boys (on top of having single guy friends who meet prereqs my homegirls lay out). I’m not one of those guys who will have you trying to follow back up with me saying “Who the hell did you hook me up with?” or “Rich, you ain’t right. HIM?!?!”

So the next time you go on the game show of love, and the host tries to send you home with a year’s supply of plain white rice because you couldn’t win the brand new car, throw that rice right back at them and keep it moving.

Has this ever happened to you? Was your reaction and approach comparable to mine? Let me hear your thoughts.

06
Mar
10

The “YardFest” Factor

Back in the day when I was in undergrad, me and some of my boys would always have a conversation about the women we dealt with, and (real talk) we would place them into a certain bucket of priority depending on a number of factors. Here’s a sample conversation that we used to have back then (the names have been changed to protect the innocent):

RichBrand: Hey man, I heard that Girl1′s trying to holla at you.
Dude1: Man, I’m cool on her.
Dude2: But I know you would hit that right?!
(silence)
D2: Rich, come on man, you would hit that right?!
RB: If I could guarantee that only me, her, and God knew about it, then I would consider it ONLY if I got super drunk, but I wouldn’t tell y’all.
D1: LOL That’s cold, but……… I share your sentiment. I’m really trying to smash Girl2 though.
D2: I got you on a round at Dream if you smash that, as long as you not trying to kick it with her and let it be known.
D1: Aight, I’ma hold you to that. Rich, what’s up with you and Girl3 from GW?
RB: Man, she’s cool, fun to hang around with, but……… she’s not as dynamic as the chicks we got classes with.
D2: Yeah man, we spoiled at HU. There some BAD ASS chicks here; you can’t just rock with no arbitrary average chick. D1: So wait, wait, wait……….. Rich, you say GW chick ain’t YardFest material?
RB: Let me put it this way…….. GW chick is comparable to Girl4 from Engineering. I’m saying, would you take her to yardfest?
(silence as everyone has this contemplative, yet Scooby Doo confused look on their face)
RB: Exactly!

If you don’t think those conversations happen once a month at a HBCU (in both men’s AND women’s dorms), then you really got some learning to do. But let me explain a few things for you. For those who have gone to a HBCU, you recognize that because of the afrocentric roots and community culture we embody in school, some of those folks that we have been in midterm battles and graduation war with are like family. These are the people who take notes for you when we have an interview for a job, who make you soup when you’re sick, lend money to you when you’re pledging in need. And for those who are family oriented, when you introduce someone to family, you’re not going to bring around the jumpoff or someone that’s marginal in your eyes.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m in no way saying that the prerequisite is bringing a shiny DIME, but at the same time you must have total peace of mind when you bring that person around “family”. Ask anyone who went to Spelhouse, Howard, or FAMU about the “family reunion” dynamic that is HOMECOMING. Think about it: when that day comes that you are ready to walk through the door of your parents’ house to introduce that one person to them, are you going to bring home someone you’re not sold on? Are you bringing home the unabashed Drew Rat? Granted, college isn’t your real family (per se), but at the same time, it is. There are some married folks to this day who will not bring their spouses to homecoming because they know it’s not gonna be a good look for them to do so (the others actually want to have fun and know their spouse is a tool when it comes to having fun). Granted, your fellow alumni aren’t going home with you, but …….still…..you know?…….. ok anyway………

So for me, there are two key factors that make someone qualify to have the “YardFest” factor:

1. They must be in your “lane”
This one here can be explained by stating the following rhetorical questions:

If you went on from Spelman to become a neurosurgeon who’s very ambitious, are you going to marry a broke shoe salesman?
If you pledged Alpha at Howard, went on to get a JD/MBA and used that knowledge and skill to start your own record label and become a world renowned jazz musician, would you marry a rapper who looked and sounded like this?
I DIDN’T THINK SO!!! Bottom line: the person must be comparable to you and share similar values with you. Granted, you may be a doctor and your boo has a MBA and doesn’t make as much money as you, but they’re AT LEAST in the ballpark. Now if you’re a doctor and your boo’s three favorite words are “Welcome to Walmart”, then you might have an issue. LOL

2. There must be mutual peace of mind and security
When you bring your boo/spouse to the yard, after the first hour that you are out there you should have a good gage on how they feel about the situation. Now if this comes out of their mouth, peace of mind is gone or was never there:
“Baby, you know a lot of great and dynamic people. Wow………….. and you settled for me? Damn, I don’t know what to say.”
However, you know you got someone who knows their worth if this comes out instead:
“Baby, you know a lot of great and dynamic people. Wow………… they most not be that dynamic. They dumb as hell for not locking you up back then. Oh well, I got you now, and you got me. Let’s go get some funnel cakes, fried wings, and mambo sauce.”
Aligned with that, there has to be the peace of mind in you that stops you from indirectly (or directly) disrespecting your relationship by pushing up on that old crush from sophomore year who is STILL fine as hell to you. Trust and believe, I know from experience what it’s like to bring someone around “family” and you’re not sold on them all the way, and that becomes apparent to you, your boo, and the people around you.

In closing, everything I said above is left up to personal interpretation. You have to do what works for you and what you feel comfortable and secure with. The scale is this: If they’re not good enough to take around your real family, you might want to think twice about bringing them around “family”. As I said before, take it from someone who has made this mistake fairly recently and it brought a lot of things to light for me in terms of being more selective about who I bring around to people. Some people don’t care and will bring any ol’ body they please around to their people. As much as you can say “it shouldn’t matter what people think, you shouldn’t care”, to most folks it DOES matter what family and friends think, especially if they want to continue that relationship in their lives. For me, personally, it’s not about stuntin my trophy at Homecoming, it’s about making sure I get it right, and doing it ONCE (i.e. get married).

What do you guys think about this? Have you directly or indirectly used a comparable theory as a factor in someone’s potential or where they measure up to your subjective standard? It’s human to do so, so don’t be PC and lie about it. Let me know your thoughts for real.

25
Nov
08

It’s too late for you (10/16/2006)

When I wrote this one, I think I was more hurt by this situation than I thought. My heart and my head conflicted on this one, but my head and spirit prevailed on this one. But, enough of me being emotional, enjoy:

I’m on the Yard friday for Yardfest, and I get word through the grapevine that a girl I used to date my senior year (and a little bit after) was looking for me and wanted to see how I was doing. I didn’t think much of it because she’s with a man that disapproves of any friendship that we had/have. I’m not one for drama so I decided to leave her alone to tend to her relationship (after all, things didn’t work out and I’m not one to hate on a relationship).

After a couple of hours, she ends up finding me on the yard. Despite me trying to be very Christian with my hug, she gave a “damn baby I miss you” hug. I straight up told her “you have a man that you live with and about to marry, you have no business hugging me like that. Please let me go.” We chatted for a few minutes, catching up on how everything’s going, etc. The convo turned when she started complimenting me and asking me if I was still attracted to her. My response was “that’s irrelevant because you have a man.” So we parted ways, and she asked for my information. I’m not that much of an asshole so I gave her my email address.

(Sidenote: This girl has argued with her man to include me in her life because I’m a good friend, not trying to come in between, etc. She even told me a few months back that she still loved me. Her man then rebutted with “If you don’t leave him alone and kick him out of your life, then I’m not marrying you.” Peep game facebook: She’s a PAST relationship, and since Alphas don’t take backward steps, that’s not something I want to entertain. If we were meant to be, it would have jumped off by now.)

You may ask what is wrong with that? Well……. first of all, I don’t pursue or entertain women in relationships (despite how good or bad, happy or sad the woman is). Not my place, and I’m better than that. After all, I’m a man, not a NIGGA. Second of all………. the only reason you did was because you left your man at home and knew that I was going to be there, especially when I told the woman that her man won’t stand for you to even look my way on the yard, let alone speak to me (and all the other extra stuff). Third………… the fact that you did that speaks on you as a woman to a degree. You made your choice for a life partner; accept it. Don’t step to me like it’s still like that and see if I bite. NOT COOL.

This situation just didn’t fit right with me. Is anyone feeling me on this? How would you feel if you were on any side of this equation?

By the way, I did do something a little asshol-istic when we parted. You want to find out what I did, hit me up on the side.

Well………… since I don’t want random people hitting me up to find out what I did, here’s what I did:

When we were parting ways, I grab her close, and whispered in her ear, “So tell me, how does it feel to know you’re about to spend the rest of your life with your second choice?” Then I released from her, then walked away, and have not literally seen or spoken to her since.

25
Nov
08

Bringing “Company” to Yardfest (10/16/06)

Hopefully this one is short, but this one’s strictly for the ladies. From having this talk offline with some women, I was very surprised by the response that I received.

I was talking to a female friend of mine who’s dating a man outside of her race for the first time. He invited her out of town for a weekend (a quick getaway of sorts) and she said she couldn’t go because that’s the same weekend as homecoming. They began to talk about alternative dates for the getaway. Before she knew it, she asked him to accompany her to homecoming.

She asked me how would I feel if I saw a woman that I was trying to get at all throughout undergrad show up to the yard with a man of another race on her arm. My response would be somewhere in between “awwww no wonder, she don’t like black men” to “that’s some bull…., how the hell?”. From there I moved into talking about how black women are hypocritical about interracial dating, for which my notion is that most think black men date white women because they’re weak and ain’t ish, however black women date outside the race because of lack of options and the brothas that got at them ain’t ish.

Of course she tried to retort, but to no avail to me. From there I asked her a question, and it’s the same question I want to pose to any woman that’s reading this………

Let’s say you’re at Yardfest, and that handsome brotha you remember from undergrad shows up to the yard with a new companion. What would be the lesser of two evils for you in terms of the companion: a white woman, or ANOTHER MAN?

You make the call ladies……………..




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