Archive for the 'Uncategorized' Category

29
Apr
12

Reflections on the LA Riots

This entry is a tad long winded and more of a memory dump versus anything really structured, so bare with me and thanks in advance for putting up with me. 

When you get older, certain recollections begin to slowly fade away, and as I try today to reflect on where I was (physically and mentally) 20 years ago, it will be bittersweet to go back into the mental rolodex to share with my few readers on this time as a young black man growing up in Los Angeles.

A lot of folks associate the LA Riots that started 20 years ago today on April 29th, 1992 as an event that was solely triggered by the Rodney King verdict, in which 4 LAPD officers (3 white, 1 latino) were caught on camera making beating the crap out of Rodney King, and a year later were summarily acquitted by an all-white jury jury of their “peers” after the trial was relocated to Simi Valley, CA, a location where the jury pool was more “advantageous” to the defense. However, the relationship between authorities and the black community were already on thin ice before the verdict was even a thought in the minds of most folks in LA, let alone the rest of the country.

One incident in particular that was in proximity to the Rodney King incident was the Latasha Harlins incident that also happened in 1991, the same year the Rodney King beating took place. Latasha was a 15 year old young black woman in Los Angeles who walked into a asian-owned convenience store as a regular patron and the cashier accused Latasha of stealing. As you see in the link above, they got into a heated argument, and as Latasha tried to leave the store, the cashier shot Latasha in the head (sounds familiar to Trayvon Martin doesn’t it?). The case went to trial, where the cashier was ONLY convicted of voluntary manslaughter, and sentenced to 5 years probation. At this point in my life was when I got the talk from my mom and stepdad about making sure you look as transparent as possible when walking through a convenience store.

Sidebar: The lesson above was one I learned first hand when on my way to middle school one day. I was stopping through to the AM/PM mini market on Motor and Palms one morning to hang with one of my boys as he got something to eat (I had an early breakfast at a restaurant so I wasn’t hungry). When you grow up in LA, 55 degrees is cold to you, so in my Cali-chill I kept my hands in my pockets the entire time in the store. As I was walking out, the manager of the store all but jumped over the counter and proceeded to question me and my friend and asked us to empty our pockets. All I could ask was “Why? What did I do?” and all he could respond with was “You won’t steal from me again, not today my friend”. Of course he felt like BooBoo the fool when all I had in my pocket was a stick of gum, my wallet, ChapStick, and my house keys. But it was a lesson that stuck hard with me as a young kid in LA.

SO when you add up the incident above, add in a mix of racist policies coming out of Parker Center (for LA outsiders, that’s the main hub of LAPD, named after an enemy of the black and brown communities in LA, former police chief William H. Parker, and was ran at the time by an apprentice of his, Daryl Gates) and have been coming out of Parker Center since the 60′s, the black community had already had it up to HERE (whatever HERE means to you). So that brings me to April 29th, 1992………

DAY 1:

At the time, I was attending a predominantly Caucasian gifted magnet elementary school in the Hollywood hills where I had to get bused in to make it to class everyday versus some of my classmates who got dropped off by their parents in a Benz. At 11 years old, even though I knew of the racial differences between me and my classmates (you could count the black folks on one hand in my class), I felt like I was one of them, despite the constant reminders from home that I really wasn’t and how I had to be better. Coming home on the bus after a typical day of going back and forth in dozens with the cutest sista in my class (hi Cycette), it was a normal day for me as I made my 3 block walk from Saturn elementary back to the crib, I turn on the TV expecting to see my typical set of weekday afternoon shows (when I should have finished up my homework so I wouldn’t get the infamous Wonderland Ave. “homework notice”, UGH). Instead of that, I see every channel is broadcasting the Rodney King verdicts live in Simi Valley. The verdicts were read as I was on the bus back home, but Fox, NBC, CBS, ABC, KTLA, KCOP, all of them kept looping the same phrase spoke by the jury’s foreman:

“NOT GUILTY”
“NOT GUILTY”
“NOT GUILTY”
“NOT GUILTY”

At 11 years old, none of that made sense to me. Here I am, knowing the high level facts of the case, knowing that the basis of this trial was video tape proof that these officers beat the crap out of this dude beyond what was needed to subdue him (including using a taser gun on top of that), yet y’all let these dudes walk? I sat there watching the coverage going on pretty much numb as to how this could happen and how (although I didn’t have much of it then) common sense isn’t common. An hour and change passes by, then the coverage splits into 3 areas of LA: Florence and Normandie, where two wrongs didn’t make it right,  to the aforementioned Parker Center, where folks were acting a donkey, and to FAME (First African Methodist Episcopal Church), where the majority of LA’s prominent black preachers decided to convene and gather the community in an effort to have a peaceful protest to what was going on. In a weird way, my spirit was in tune with what was happening at FAME, but my heart threw that brick in Denny’s face. I could understand where our people were coming from at Florence and Normandie (a reaction that would have probably been lightly endorsed by the early 60′s version of the Community Resistance in Progress, or as commonly known around the country, CRIPS). But at the same time, knowing my black history, my frat brother would have been at FAME, figuring out a way to talk out our anger, then come up with a more peaceful alternative. As you can see on the Denny link, the LAPD got out of there to “ensure the safety of their force”. What the news didn’t tell us then was that most of those retracted officers were sent “north” to ensure that those communities would be safer. In other words, LAPD was sent to Mid-Wilshire, Beverly Hills, Culver City (west of Balogna Creek), Brentwood, Westwood, Hollywood (see where I’m going) and make sure that those communities are locked down while the black and brown communities destroy their own. At about 7:30, my parents couldn’t stop watching the coverage. It was even more real to my mom, who grew up under William Parker’s treatment of the black community and how that affected the family. She remembers growing up off of West Adams and going to Dorsey High School where this was everyday reality to her, and how she used that to make sure (to the best of her ability and reach) that I didn’t go through that as well. However, at 7:30, I needed a break from the coverage because there was something else on my mind at that time (what can I say, I’m a fan from the womb to the tomb *kanyeshrug*). After a compromise was reached, and that concluded, it was back to the live coverage. You could see more and more foolishness breaking out all over the city as more and more fires kept popping up over the city. I remember staying up with my parents until at least 1am watching what was going on. But I could only hang so long because I had to be rested for school.

DAY 2:

Waking up that morning, the last thing on my mind was what I saw on TV last night (outside the fact the Lakers won the game). My mind was on the International Food project we had in English class, which took place every Thursday for several weeks throughout the spring semester (my group went 2 weeks prior when our assigned theme was Dutch, and we got an A- so we could now relax). I had this day especially marked because today was ITALIAN day. Despite my (not knowing at the time) gluten allergy, I was all juiced up to have some pasta, pizza, and whatever else they were going to throw my way (insert Lil Jon shouting “YEAH”). So I was happily frolicking (yeah I said it, shut up) to my bus stop that day, and just waited there…………. and waited………………and waited……………….. then it was 8am, and I’m STILL waiting. Then it dawned on me……………..a handful of the bus stops on the route I was on were in the no public transportation zone , so as a result my bus route was not allowed to even go out that day, and I wasn’t going to make it to school that day. DAMNIT TO HELL!!!! I walked back to my house with tears in my eyes because these IGN’ANT REGGINS IN SOUTH CENTRAL COST ME MY ITALIAN FOOD DAY!!!!!

So, since I was stuck at home with nothing to do, I turned the TV back on and (in between Nintendo games) I was watching more and more of what was going on. The coverage that stuck out to me that day was in the morning when a huge conglomerate of latinos decided to loot some of the stores off Western and Adams (I remember that corner because at the time, the only Wendy’s damn near in LA was on that corner), and you could see them just taking stuff without abashment. But what had my jaw on the floor was when you saw a Ryder truck back up to one of the stores, and out the back comes about 6 mexicans who start an assembly line within seconds, and start loading stuff up to the truck. To say I couldn’t believe it was an understatement (and I’m sure if you’re reading this and have the image in your head of what it looked like, trust me it was worse than you’re thinking, LOL).

The same pattern of stuff continues throughout the day, and what was sad was that by this point, a lot of those folks who were looting (especially in the brown community) had NO DAMN IDEA what caused all of this, yet took advantage of the opportunity, As Martin and Carlos can attest to (LOL). For me, at that point, since I wasn’t going to school the next day anyway, Day 2 faded into……………..

DAY 3:

……………. The same thing kept happening all across the city. The only time the news faded away from this coverage was to show some coverage in Atlanta of local residents protesting outside of CNN headquarters of the “slanted” coverage that they were giving against black and latino residents of LA. But for me, three major things stuck out to me that day.

1. A member of our church, Ben Mayo (may God rest his soul) lost his printing business over in Leimert Park when some idiot thought the business wasn’t black owned and decided to blow up the place. This was personal because Ben was a father figure to me at Brookins AME growing up, along with his wife Arlene and daughter Staci who definitely looked out for me when I couldn’t look out for myself. Also, he was one of many in our church who had his own business and took every opportunity possible to give back to the community through that business (even giving some folks in church jobs at the time when the economy was acting up just so they could have something in their pocket to take home to their own families).

2. Of course, there was this moment as well………………. roll the clip.

3. The very tardy appearance of the Army National Guard getting into LA to do the job that LAPD refused to do. The only piss poor performance in my lifetime that was worse than this was during Hurrican Katrina in ’05. By this point, too much damage had been done to the black and latino communities of LA for the National Guard to make any real difference. In other words, half of the hood was burnt up.

SKIP to DAY 5:

The afternoon before, my mom got a call from one of her fellow Welcome Club members and gave her a heads up that Rev. Jesse Jackson was going to preach at 8am service, so make sure we’re there. (Sidebar: ladies, if you are beautiful and single, one of the quickest ways to find a man at a church is join the Welcome Club, because you’re the first face everyone sees when they walk into the house of the Lord. Just something to think about.) My dad, as a member of Male Chorus, knew to be there regardless because it was First Sunday and the Mass Choir always sings on First Sunday, but DEFINITELY make sure he’s there this time.

So we get to church around 7:30am, if memory serves, and it is already PACKED. Part of that was that the portion of the church that was next to the sound board turned into a mini-news center with every news outlet there to cover what Jesse Jackson had to say. When a famous person in the black community shows up to Brookins, we knew how to SHOW UP AND SHOW OUT. Everyone’s attire was Sunday Best, Pastor Kirkland was in the pulpit ON TIME today, and of course the incomparable Anna Moore shut the place down singing the church favorite “He’s Coming Back”. After all of that, Jesse came in, built the place up, and shut it back down again. When you left Brookins that day, most of us left with a renewed sense of energy, and more focus on staying with the fight and not letting this get us down, understanding that, when you look back on the struggles of the Negro in the “land of the free”, we’ve been through much worse. Yet, despite the progress, we still had a long ways to go.

AFTERMATH:

In the end, hundreds of businesses lost, $1 billion in damages, and dozens of lives lost, and what was worse was that we did it to ourselves. One positive thing that came out of it was the short lived “Truce in Nine Deuce”, initiated by NFL Hall of Famer Jim Brown in which rival gangs decided to put things aside and temporarily squash any beef that occurred up to that time. Although that truce is no longer in effect, the gang wars are nowhere near the level they were in the 80′s.

A year after the riots, the 4 police officers were brought to trial again in federal for civil rights violations. Although they were not convicted on every charge brought against them, there was some justice served in the process, although all 4 of them walk as free men as we speak today.

SO………

When looking back on this 20 years ago, and to see the similarities in times (to an extent), it concerns me how, in a time where this country just elected its first black POTUS, that the value of a black person’s life is still less than any other. How is it that you can have a Trayvon Martin, Prince Jones, Amadou Diallo, and countless others who have been killed in cold blood without consequence to the perpetrator, yet Michael Vick was in jail for 2 years for killing a dog? It speaks to an imbalance here that some folks are not willing to admit exists anymore. Although it took a few years for me to get the memo as a young man, knowing this reality back then, and understanding that as long as I can tan without turning red that I was never going to be immune to racism and oppression in this country, I knew that I had to make a way for myself to be successful and get there (more or less) on my own, and even when I do get there, it won’t ever stop. No amount of money or power can shield you from racism, prejudice, and mistreatment in this country, ask our President. But I digress…………….

All in all, the LA Riots of ’92 was definitely a “Where were you?” moment in American history, and having all but been right in the middle of it makes the reflection on it 20 years later that much more real. Fortunately for this country, this event, along with this one here contributed to 8 years of sanity in the White House (of course after that………….anyway).

If you remember where you were, how you felt, what you were going through at the time, definitely feel free to share below. 

12
Jun
11

Some facts about the Unemployment rate and opinion on the GOP

People who usually visit this blog will usually come here to read on my opinions on love, romance, relationship, etc. But while I’m watching “Meet the Press” on NBC this morning, and the Republicans are continuing to blame President Obama for the economy being in the toilet, and using data, such as the unemployment rate and the net loss of jobs as their biggest set of ammo. As I write this blog, I have some ammo of my own. For starters, I have been involuntarily unemployed twice in my adult years, so I can personally attest to the unemployment life as an American. And two, as a Six Sigma Black Belt, in business and in personal life, I respond better to data (facts) than I do to emotion. With that being said, here’s what I got (as I continue to ignore every hypocritical thing Santorum just said, LOL).

NBC showed that since Obama took office, the unemployment rate has risen from 7.3% to 9.1%. I will admit that those numbers are very factual and can be confirmed by any simple Google search. But here’s what the average Joe Six Pack American doesn’t know about how the unemployment rate is calculated. I initially had questions about this when I was in my early 20′s and out of work for a year. So here’s what I found out then (and corroborated by the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the source in which the unemployment rate data is derived):
- The unemployment rate is initially measured by calculating the amount of Americans who have been involuntarily terminated (not due to misconduct) are currently receiving unemployment compensation (insurance) from the respective state(s) in which they reside compared to the amount of Americans who are currently working (which includes anyone 16 and up working at the mall all the way up to CEO’s). Because this number does not include those who have ran out of eligibility, the BLS will then take a representative sample of 60,000 households in the U.S. and ask them a set of questions to determine the employment of that particular household. They will use that to guess determine what the unemployment rate is. This rate is produced and published on a monthly basis by the BLS.

So here’s what the data is NOT telling you: as they admit, this does not factor in Americans who have ran out of eligibility (i.e. those who have surpassed their state benefits, and any federal extension benefits that may exist) and have to use other means in which to bring income into their household (such as depleting savings, selling their stuff, taking menial jobs to have something coming versus nothing, and yes of course, CRIME). When you factor that in, the rate of unemployed and the underemployed is MUCH higher than you think, especially in the minority communities. As someone who can personally attest to that, I know that back in 2003 George W. Bush decided to discontinue the Federal Unemployment extension program, which left every unemployed American with only the benefits of their respective states, which was usually no more than 6 months. In my opinion, he did this for two reasons: 1. He knew how the numbers worked, and cutting the federal program would reduce that number for his own political gain. And 2. In order to fund our efforts in Afghanistan and in Iraq, additional money to pad the defense budget had to come from somewhere, don’t ya think?

Now for those who are in any type of professional working setting, and you see the continual changes they make based on tone at the top, you understand why this economy is jacked up. For those who have no idea what I’m talking about, I will give you a crash course:
Any private sector company that is publicly traded has one major goal in mind: make money, which is typically measured by such things as profit margin, earnings/dividends per share to stockholders. Growth is always good for any public, and staying where you’re at, or shrinking, is bad and can affect stock price. So the constant goal is to figure out how to maintain a respectable profit margin (so that everyone gets their “cut” of the pie), regardless of the growth or shrinkage of the company. In the case where your company is shrinking, what’s the easiest way to reduce expense and maintain profit margin? YES, lay off employees. That simple, yet widely practiced, plan of action is the quickest way to reduce operating and administrative expense within any company. Some companies do it well, and some cut too deep and it will cost them quality. However, if you still need to reduce expense, but can’t afford to lose the “firepower” from a personnel standpoint, what’s your plan B? Ah YES, send those jobs overseas to countries such as India, China, or the Philippines, where you can do a 1:1 swap of domestic worker to overseas contingent worker, reduce the hourly rate charged to your bottom line, and not lose production. Soooooo…….. when those decisions are made as to who will get cut, per se, some tough decisions have to be made (and I will leave it at that, LOL).

Despite everything I just told you, there are still a lion’s share of Republicans and members of the Taxed Enough Already (TEA) Party who believe that the government should reduce income tax on the top 1% (who have 80% of the country’s wealth), maintain the tax code loopholes that allow companies like GE to not pay ANY corporate tax, while reducing the corporate tax collectively, and reduce taxes on companies that ship jobs overseas to increase company profits (in which the taxes as is still allow most companies to reduce expenses compared to keeping jobs here). The “trickle-down” theory from the 80′s was supposed to put more money in the pockets of the rich so they can spend more on those who contribute to their wealth. How has that worked out for Americans, given that most who have benefited from those tax cuts started by Reagan have kept that money? Look at Harlem in the 80′s (the poster child of the crack epidemic), the Midwest (outside of Chicago) over the last 20 years, and California since “the Governator” has been in charge.

To sum it up, America, WAKE THE HELL UP and have enough initiative to educate yourself on the facts versus just settling for the flawed information that’s being presented to you. But I understand how hard that is when we are so impatient and lazy as a country when it comes to self-education, right? Has Obama been perfect? No, of course not. But just like in most corporations in this country, Black men have to be twice as good (and/or perfect in their role) in order to be considered good enough to be next to their fair performing white counterpart, and that’s Obama’s conundrum as the first Black POTUS.

If you have a problem with what I said, in the words of The Rock, JUST BRING IT!!!

 

05
Nov
10

Employment Status

In this economy where we are dealing with arguably 25% of Americans who are either out of work or underemployed, having a job nowadays is, to say the least, a blessing. However, according to an article in the Huffington Post that came out earlier this year, there are some companies who have recently made declarations that they will not accept job candidates who are not already employed. Of course in this economy, that’s a very asinine stance to take as an organization. However, some companies, as shown in the article, take greater satisfaction in “stealing away” a potential candidate from another company that they are happy with by selling them on how their company is better.

One thing I can validate is that, as someone who has been happily employed at my current place of employment for the last 2 years, I get my fair share of companies who will reach out to me about their company and how it’s better than my current company. It is what it is. But what made me ponder this analogy is a conversation I had with a classmate of mine from business school where the subject was my dating life. She was telling me, the next time I’m out in Chicago, to take her with me to whichever lounge/club I decide to go to (I don’t know if her man would go for that, but hey, that’s her problem, not mine). Here’s more of the dialogue:

RichBrand: Why should I do that?
Female Classmate: Because more women will want to talk to you.
RB: But you’re with me there; most of them will think we’re together.
FC: Yeah, but they will be more attracted to you, because another woman’s with you. You know how they say all of the good men are taken?
RB: Ummm, yeah.
FC: Exactly my point.
RB: So you are saying that me being single does not make me a good man? As if I need to be in a relationship and women get their rocks off by stealing another woman’s man.
FC: Yes and No
RB: Elaborate
FC: It’s like applying for a job. You’re more likely to get the job you want if you already have one.

When taking this away from the conversation, I started to think back on some of my dating experiences over the last couple of years. It’s funny how there is some truth to what she said. Some women love a challenge as much as men do. But at the same time, the difference between women and men is that…………… you know what, Chris Rock can explain better than I can:

My opinion: I find it hard to believe that me being single is somehow an indictment on my worth as a man. As much as I find the notion of working for a company that wants to steal me away from my current job an asinine stance, me having to have a girlfriend and validating that I’m desirable and romantically stable is just as asinine. Just because I’m single does not mean there’s something wrong with me, with you, or anybody. All of us are in our season for a reason, whether we’re single, in a good/bad relationship, good/bad marriage, divorced, or widowed. Besides, I’m a believer in karma; so ladies, what makes you think that the man you stole or that you want to steal can’t get stolen from you? And fellas, if women make you feel that your external value is lowered because no woman right now is worth your time or women are too dumb to see your worth, thereby keeping you single, then these women who have subscriptions to Neanderthal-level thinking do not need to be in your life anymore.

To my ladies, is this true? Would you rather have a man that’s “employed” and/or that a bunch of “companies” want versus a man you like that is unattached and wants you? And fellas, have other women told you this before? Has this been your experience? Let me hear your thoughts.

26
May
09

Aesthetic and Apathetic

I was out with some friends on Friday to start my 365 day countdown to the new 20, and the topic came up about a facebook status that I put up the previous week concerning the reactions to when you hear that someone is in a relationship/engaged/married. By this point, I had a couple in me, so I was being totally 100 with folks and letting them know (without the politeness) what I really thought. I said that, for the exception of one woman I have dated, although I have been happy when some of them have moved on and met someone else and built with them, I don’t think any of them were better for that girl than I was. PERIOD!!! Of course someone had to say, “well Rich, maybe they wanted them more than you did and did more to get them. Like your blog said, maybe they were just pressed.”

I admitted that very well could be the case, and that sometimes I believe that a lot of women more caught up in a man who satisfies the courtship checklist versus the right man for them. Given that I personally know a couple of women who came to that epiphany several weeks before they were to walk down the aisle, it’s a valid assumption (maybe more exceptional and a pattern, but still valid). Then my homegirl said ,”well maybe because they may not be the best dressed, the most charming, the best looking, the most in shape, have the best career, etc., but they did what they had to do to get her, and maybe you didn’t”. I held my grit in that I didn’t want to react, but she elaborated further:
I have found that men and women who are attractive and/or well off tend to be lazier in the dating game because they feel they don’t need to work as hard, don’t have to do as much. They figure that, because of who they are and/or what they have, that they will always have options. It’s usually the ones with the least amount of options that more likely to land someone and get married.
With all of the experiences in my life, I have definitely seen this as a pattern. Women complain about “successful” brothas who conduct themselves in such a fashion and don’t feel they need to work to get a chick, and brothas complain about that stuck up, model looking chick with the fat ass who requires high-level caking to keep her attention but don’t do a damn thing for him. And what’s the reward? The privilege of being with that person?! Ummmmm……….. yeah. And of course you’re thinking, “Why should I bust my ass to satisfy their lazy ass?”

Ok, the LA Brotha in me struggles with this often somewhat, and so does the “successful” brotha in me. As my female best friend said to me, it’s not about arrogance or being bourgeois, it’s about staying in your lane, and if your lane has a certain speed limit, then why slow down. But……….. at the same time, having that mentality in every aspect of your life will not get you anywhere, and will not always get you what you want. Regardless of how good you think you look, how stacked your bank account is, how many degrees you have, or how deep your roster is, it takes work to obtain and more work to maintain. Nothing in life worth obtaining is going to be just given to you. In your personal AND professional life, you have to know what it is that you want and position yourself to obtain it. Just because you want it doesn’t mean you deserve it or are entitled to it.

In the working world, and in dating, aesthetics are definitely important, but it’s only part of the whole package. After while, looks fade, and competency takes total precedence over how it is you look. So ladies, if you got that (job/man) because of your looks, make sure your competency and performance are parallel. Brothas, don’t deal with any woman who wouldn’t date you if you didn’t work on Wall Street, or were a junior partner at that downtown law firm. Don’t let your looks (ladies) or your paper (brothas) dictate how you treat other people. It’s not a good look.

I know I probably rambled a bit, but I’m curious to hear what the readers think on this subject.
Do you run into this often? Let me know.

10
May
09

RichBrand’s response to M (re: Leverage Factor)

I received a very lengthy (in comparison) response to my blog about my Leverage Factor blog I wrote a couple of days ago. I also received some side comments on facebook about it as well. I was going to reply within the actual blog comments, but a lengthy criticism deserves a lengthy rebuttal. I will show, in its entirety, M’s response:
1) The idea that most women have planned out their engagements and/or weddings is a stereotype. I haven’t nor have I even heard another women talk about her perfect engagement/wedding. The only time I’ve even heard another woman mention rings was when she thought an engagement was eminent. The topic/concern for some was that the man would pick a ring she didn’t like (since she would be wearing it for a long time). The story about girl who had her ring specs decided was a fluke. We all could pull out a crazy, weird dating story, that doesn’t mean it’s the norm. (BTW, I hope your ran screaming from her)

2) You freely admit the reality show, not Jacklyn, created the drama by bringing her ex back into the picture so to use that as an example is misleading. Reality shows also takes days/weeks of footage and compress it into a few moments. You don’t think they pick and choose the pieces that fit the story they want to tell? Reality shows are exaggerations of real life and create caricatures of people.

3) I’m not sure why you’re acting like women are the only ones who date too soon after a break-up or that they have nefarious purposes when they go back to an ex. Both men and women are often told after break-ups that they need to begin dating others, usually when they tell someone they’re still hurting. (Bad advice in my opinion.) So both men and women sometimes begin dating others too quickly. Just because someone goes back to an ex after they’ve started dating a new person doesn’t mean they dated the new person just to make their ex jealous. They might have actually liked the new person. Maybe it happened because they were not over their ex when they started dating someone else.

Just for the record, I’ve never tried to make an ex jealous or broken up with someone to date an ex. I’ve never had a woman tell me she’s done this either.

Well M…………..

1. I went to school with a lot of sistas where Plan A was their MRS, and getting a degree was a backup plan just in case they had to actually have a career for themselves. Some grew up spoiled and had daddy take care of them, and it was instilled in them that a man was to provide everything for them, but until that man finds them, do for yourself. You’re talking about classical conditioning here where some women, from the time they play with Barbie Dolls, are told that these are your validations of womanhood (in which the notion of “taking care of yourself and being ok with that” ISN’T one of them). I also lived in Atlanta for a year where, despite its progression in comparison to other southern cities, is STILL the South. Still behind the times in certain things. I ran into a decent amount of women there where, once they turned 25 or headed towards it, they were in PANIC mode. It was this feeling that they failed as women because they were 25 and haven’t walked down the aisle yet. Now, while it’s good to know a woman’s intentions from jump, don’t shove your timeline down a man’s throat. And yes, I ran like hell from bridezilla. And no, the ring specs story is not a fluke. A good amount of the women I know have prereqs for their engagement ring, and some have been bold enough to say they will accept or reject the proposal based on the size of the ring. Yes, I will admit that I know some shallow women, but I’m from LA so what do you expect. LOL

2. In this case, the reality show did create the drama in the example that I used (I’ll give you that), but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t women (and men) out there that don’t engage in deliberate drama themselves. I was using the show as a high level example of the types of scenarios I have actually seen in my young life. To think that what happened with Jacklyn on the show DOESN’T happen in real life on the daily is a very naive assumption. You won’t BELIEVE some of the stories I have heard in terms of drama.

3. I definitely acknowledge that men do these types of things as well. It’s just that, as men, we’re more transparent about in most cases about it though. We’re more likely to break up with someone, and go and smash something else the next night, and not take any emotional stock in ourselves before we do so. As men, we’re conditioned to MAN UP and recover faster (or at least front like we recovered). The problem is that because of how society is, we as men aren’t given the same allowance to deal with our emotions as women are. So do we as men use chicks for leverage? Hell yeah we do. Both men and women (intentionally and subconsciously) do this. The only time you date too soon is when you don’t have full closure in your heart about a situation. I look at the past being the past, and if things don’t align (at least in the ballpark of alignment), then you need to let it go; I don’t believe in taking backwards steps, and if it’s supposed to work, you won’t need to break up with someone to make it so. But here’s the thing: bringing it to a close in your mind and heart is key before you look to move on with anyone else, and you shouldn’t look as someone else as a replacement or a substitute. A man (or woman) with high self-value will not compete for your heart with someone else that didn’t do right by it the first time, and if you’re dumb enough to remain loyal and apathetic in terms of your heart and mind, then it’s on you to figure all that out before you get back in the game.

And it’s admirable that you’ve never done this, or know anyone that has done it. Which tells me you fall into one of three categories: you’re just 100% truthful and know how to cut your losses (which I hope most likely applies to you), you’re in a relationship right now and it doesn’t apply, or… men just don’t get jealous once they’re done with you.

02
Mar
09

Musical Break Top 5 Producers Series: LAFace

To continue the MB Top 5, I have to go next to the man who the tandem that has produced countless hits for our generation. From “Slow Jam” by Midnight Star, to “Two Occasions” when they were in the Deele, to both the Boomerang and Waiting to Exhale soundtracks. Yes people, the LAFace production team. The songs I chose to show their production prowless (actually 2) are one that is known, and one that is not so known in the annals for Slow Jam cuts of all time. But, once again, those who know their music like me might know the second one. You have no excuse to not know the first one.

Now, here’s the not-so-known one:

10
Dec
08

Richbrand’s Definition of a Beautiful Woman

About an hour ago, I was checking through my emails on one of my email accounts, and came across a thread on a listserv I’m on that was talking about who was thought of as black and beautiful in 2008 (male and female). Of course some guys named the usual chicks (Sanaa Lathan, Halle Berry, Kerry Washington, Lauren London, etc) and the women named their usual (Obama, Denzel, Morris Chestnut, etc). Then, in a noble gesture, one of the guys made a list of some of the women on the serv (good move), which of course had some (accidential I hope) omissions from the list.  I thought about if I wanted to respond on this listserv with my own list (………….right), or if I wanted to give my interpretation of what I consider beautiful, I decided instead of telling them, I would just let the world know where I stand on this, especially since a lot of my female friends consider me superficial and shallow. So I’m gonna kill multiple birds with one stone.

For those who come across this and don’t want to read alot, here’s the executive summary:

Beautiful Woman = (External Attractiveness + Great Personality + (Character *Values *Spirituality)) – Baggage(X)

Now, notice the order in which I put all of that in, and of course when you look at it from that way, of course you’re going to make your assumption of my LA-ness per se. But here’s the thing: What is the first thing you notice about someone when you first meet them? ………….. exactly, their physical appearance. For men, if we’re smart, we go from head to toe and check someone out before we speak to them, regardless of where it’s at (although I will say some dumbass dudes out there have this issue where they only look from neck to knee and lower their standards, but I digress).  Of course women do the same (just with more attention to our dress and mannerisms). This gets you in the door. Now everything I say from this point is what keeps you in the house, and also determines where in the house you will have access to, or if I send yo ass to the yard or the street.

Once we sign off on if a person satisfies our external prereqs (tangible and intangible), then we figure out if there’s chemistry in how we interact with each other. Is the person easy to talk to? Do you have basic things in common? Do you run out of things to say after 45 seconds? Is this person fun to be around? etc etc. In most cases, coming in cold, that’s the second thing you assess with a person when you meet them and learn about them.

Now when you get into a person’s character, values, and spirituality, then you get into the core of what makes a person who they are.  For me, this is what I look at: Are they a Christian? (anything else and our friendship would be limited, and dating will never happen) Do they go to church every sunday, and cussing out their family every monday? Are they conscious of what’s going on within Black America? What do they want to do with their life, and how? What type of music are they into? What’s their artistic outlet? And is all of this compatible to where I stand on all of these things?

Now, what there needs to be a containment on is the amount of unnecessary baggage a woman has in her life (within her control). Now, I will admit there are certain areas of concern where this is concerned (see Phyllis Hyman and her emotional problems as an example), but there are some things that you just have to let go;  certain monkeys on your back that are there because you keep them there, or feel that you have something to prove in life to men. Naw, that’s not needed. The more bags of BS you are carrying, the worse it is for you in my book………. PERIOD. Yes, we all have problems/issues/crazy, we all are not perfect, but when it gets in your own way, then that’s a showstopper.

Now, if you have all of these things in the affirmative, then to me, you are TRULY a beautiful woman. The problem is that a lot of women THINK they fit into this category of beautiful because they have one of those things, but in my book you don’t make the cut. There are some women I know who I would sleep with, all things equal, right now, but I would hate to have to wake up next to them and have to hear her damn mouth. And there are some women I can talk to on the phone with for hours, go to church with, listen to jazz with, watch basketball with, but couldn’t buy enough bars to get me drunk  enough to think of them as “FINE”. Then there are some that I’m attracted to, that are great to be around, and on paper would be wifey IF she didn’t get in their own way because of some crutch she has. There’s something about all of us that could make us “UGLY” to another person, but, if you haven’t understood what I have said so far, beauty isn’t just how you look on the outside; the inside matters just as much.

Now, for those ladies over the years that I have called beautiful and don’t fulfill these standards, I apologize for lying to you, I’ll have to use another politically correct complimentary adjective next time to let you know you CGI or that you’re sexy. But if anyone ever wanted to know where I truly stand on this and not make assumptions, then consider yourself officially educated.




Enter your email address to subscribe to my blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 434 other followers

UnMastered Collection Vol. I

Topics

Archives

 

May 2012
M T W T F S S
« Apr    
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
28293031  

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 434 other followers