Ok, there is something that has kept going on throughout the years and I have to call people out on it. Women do it, and men do it too. Although you mean well, you are just straight wrong for doing it. In fact, I have cut ties with some folks over it because it is a slap in the face. I don’t do it because I actually try to care about other people. If you’re wondering what I’m talking about, let me give you a scenario:
Ladies, let’s say you’re in law school and you meet some really great guy. He’s everything you desire in a man once he passes the bar and pays back his student loans, but you’re willing to ride it out because his dad is a partner at a prestigious firm in DC, but you find out he has a girlfriend, and is in a happy relationship (you know this because you went to a Constitutional Law study session for your section in a seductive, low cut blouse and he didn’t give you the time of day). You two are friends, but he has clearly set boundaries that you and him won’t jump off. So it’s early April, and you know the end of the year banquet is coming up and you don’t have a date because …….. well……. the great guy isn’t available, and no one else measures up that’s in your program. So you figure, he’s from DC, so he should know a few local guys that he can hook you up with to take to the banquet and maybe connect with long term after.
Imagine if he says he does have a friend for you, but the dude got his AA from Prince George Community College, has 4 kids, 3 baby mama’s, and although he works for the “gub’ment”, he wants to be a rapper and has no plan B in case that doesn’t work out. On top of that, dude looks like Mos Def and Lil’ Wayne had a baby. But the great guy says his boy is a great guy and can vouch for him because they grew up together in SE DC.
So ladies, how would you feel if this happened to you? Would you feel like Angela did in Boomerang when Marcus Graham hooked her up with Gerard? Ok think about it, take a second………………………
Ok, you think that’s messed up right? But think about how many times you have done that to people who have been interested in you, and think about when the shoe was on the other foot when it happened to you. It has happened to me too many times to name.
This reminds of when I was in high school and I applied to the engineering program at UCLA around the time they banned affirmative action in the UC system. When I received my rejection letter in the mail, accompanying that letter was a list of local community colleges that they recommended I attend, and MAYBE after two years, if there’s a transfer spot, then I can re-apply. I looked at the letter that day, and the listing of CC’s, and TORE IT UP IMMEDIATELY. If I don’t get into UCLA, I will go to USC, Howard, Morehouse, Temple. Refer me to those schools, not El Camino, Santa Monica College, or some other 13th grade school.
Here’s the thing: Even though some of the things we look for can be perceived as uppity, shallow, or image driven, you have to factor that in when you refer friends to each other. You should never make someone feel like they only deserve a “consolation prize”. If you think that’s ok to do, and you KNOW you’re doing it, then that shows how much you care about some of the people you associate with. That’s why it’s hard for me to hook up my homegirls with some of my boys (on top of having single guy friends who meet prereqs my homegirls lay out). I’m not one of those guys who will have you trying to follow back up with me saying “Who the hell did you hook me up with?” or “Rich, you ain’t right. HIM?!?!”
So the next time you go on the game show of love, and the host tries to send you home with a year’s supply of plain white rice because you couldn’t win the brand new car, throw that rice right back at them and keep it moving.
Has this ever happened to you? Was your reaction and approach comparable to mine? Let me hear your thoughts.
Recent Comments