RichBrand.Net

Back in the day when I was in undergrad, me and some of my boys would always have a conversation about the women we dealt with, and (real talk) we would place them into a certain bucket of priority depending on a number of factors. Here’s a sample conversation that we used to have back then (the names have been changed to protect the innocent):

RichBrand: Hey man, I heard that Girl1′s trying to holla at you.
Dude1: Man, I’m cool on her.
Dude2: But I know you would hit that right?!
(silence)
D2: Rich, come on man, you would hit that right?!
RB: If I could guarantee that only me, her, and God knew about it, then I would consider it ONLY if I got super drunk, but I wouldn’t tell y’all.
D1: LOL That’s cold, but……… I share your sentiment. I’m really trying to smash Girl2 though.
D2: I got you on a round at Dream if you smash that, as long as you not trying to kick it with her and let it be known.
D1: Aight, I’ma hold you to that. Rich, what’s up with you and Girl3 from GW?
RB: Man, she’s cool, fun to hang around with, but……… she’s not as dynamic as the chicks we got classes with.
D2: Yeah man, we spoiled at HU. There some BAD ASS chicks here; you can’t just rock with no arbitrary average chick. D1: So wait, wait, wait……….. Rich, you say GW chick ain’t YardFest material?
RB: Let me put it this way…….. GW chick is comparable to Girl4 from Engineering. I’m saying, would you take her to yardfest?
(silence as everyone has this contemplative, yet Scooby Doo confused look on their face)
RB: Exactly!

If you don’t think those conversations happen once a month at a HBCU (in both men’s AND women’s dorms), then you really got some learning to do. But let me explain a few things for you. For those who have gone to a HBCU, you recognize that because of the afrocentric roots and community culture we embody in school, some of those folks that we have been in midterm battles and graduation war with are like family. These are the people who take notes for you when we have an interview for a job, who make you soup when you’re sick, lend money to you when you’re pledging in need. And for those who are family oriented, when you introduce someone to family, you’re not going to bring around the jumpoff or someone that’s marginal in your eyes.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m in no way saying that the prerequisite is bringing a shiny DIME, but at the same time you must have total peace of mind when you bring that person around “family”. Ask anyone who went to Spelhouse, Howard, or FAMU about the “family reunion” dynamic that is HOMECOMING. Think about it: when that day comes that you are ready to walk through the door of your parents’ house to introduce that one person to them, are you going to bring home someone you’re not sold on? Are you bringing home the unabashed Drew Rat? Granted, college isn’t your real family (per se), but at the same time, it is. There are some married folks to this day who will not bring their spouses to homecoming because they know it’s not gonna be a good look for them to do so (the others actually want to have fun and know their spouse is a tool when it comes to having fun). Granted, your fellow alumni aren’t going home with you, but …….still…..you know?…….. ok anyway………

So for me, there are two key factors that make someone qualify to have the “YardFest” factor:

1. They must be in your “lane”
This one here can be explained by stating the following rhetorical questions:

If you went on from Spelman to become a neurosurgeon who’s very ambitious, are you going to marry a broke shoe salesman?
If you pledged Alpha at Howard, went on to get a JD/MBA and used that knowledge and skill to start your own record label and become a world renowned jazz musician, would you marry a rapper who looked and sounded like this?
I DIDN’T THINK SO!!! Bottom line: the person must be comparable to you and share similar values with you. Granted, you may be a doctor and your boo has a MBA and doesn’t make as much money as you, but they’re AT LEAST in the ballpark. Now if you’re a doctor and your boo’s three favorite words are “Welcome to Walmart”, then you might have an issue. LOL

2. There must be mutual peace of mind and security
When you bring your boo/spouse to the yard, after the first hour that you are out there you should have a good gage on how they feel about the situation. Now if this comes out of their mouth, peace of mind is gone or was never there:
“Baby, you know a lot of great and dynamic people. Wow………….. and you settled for me? Damn, I don’t know what to say.”
However, you know you got someone who knows their worth if this comes out instead:
“Baby, you know a lot of great and dynamic people. Wow………… they most not be that dynamic. They dumb as hell for not locking you up back then. Oh well, I got you now, and you got me. Let’s go get some funnel cakes, fried wings, and mambo sauce.”
Aligned with that, there has to be the peace of mind in you that stops you from indirectly (or directly) disrespecting your relationship by pushing up on that old crush from sophomore year who is STILL fine as hell to you. Trust and believe, I know from experience what it’s like to bring someone around “family” and you’re not sold on them all the way, and that becomes apparent to you, your boo, and the people around you.

In closing, everything I said above is left up to personal interpretation. You have to do what works for you and what you feel comfortable and secure with. The scale is this: If they’re not good enough to take around your real family, you might want to think twice about bringing them around “family”. As I said before, take it from someone who has made this mistake fairly recently and it brought a lot of things to light for me in terms of being more selective about who I bring around to people. Some people don’t care and will bring any ol’ body they please around to their people. As much as you can say “it shouldn’t matter what people think, you shouldn’t care”, to most folks it DOES matter what family and friends think, especially if they want to continue that relationship in their lives. For me, personally, it’s not about stuntin my trophy at Homecoming, it’s about making sure I get it right, and doing it ONCE (i.e. get married).

What do you guys think about this? Have you directly or indirectly used a comparable theory as a factor in someone’s potential or where they measure up to your subjective standard? It’s human to do so, so don’t be PC and lie about it. Let me know your thoughts for real.