For those who read this blog on the blue moons that I decide to write, I’m usually prone to bringing up the flaws of women when it comes to dealing with how you live life as a whole deal with men, and vice versa. But this time around I’m taking a different approach.
With my current day job, I’m in the process of developing myself into a future leader. Part of that development means taking the time to really understand what it takes to be a leader, and shoring up those competencies that need improvement that I’m not currently displaying. Along with professional development, I’m working on my personal development as well and learning how to be a better man, day by day, one step at a time. Part of any growth opportunity is to lean into discomfort and be willing to accept criticism that comes from others, and also develop the ability to develop self-awareness, realize when you slip up, and find ways to correct your actions and/or methods going forward.
With that being said, over the last week or so, I have been truly thinking about my current state in terms of not being married yet. Over the last few months, I have continued to make tweaks in my approach to the whole endeavor (which I won’t go into detail about right now), and after talking to a few good friends, I have come to this harsh reality about RichBrand…………… I’m a DAMN HYPOCRITE!!!!!
Here’s where I’m going with this: the same things that we seem to knock some women on in terms of what they look for, I can’t even lie, I do my damn self. The same reasons some “independent black women” are single are the EXACT same reasons why I’m single. Some of them are habits I wish I could kick, other habits I’m unabashed about. The truth of the matter is that I’m a single, independent black man. And just like a typical “independent woman”, I do my own thing, make my own money, ambitious in my career, march to the beat of my own drum, and don’t need a woman for anything. Also, I have this sub-conscious “entitlement” that, because I have achieved a certain status in life, I “deserve” a certain caliber of woman in terms of looks, education, profession, and pedigree. And just like women who are comparable, there are as many women attracted to me, because of that drive, ambition, and standard, as there women who are turned off by that.
Why would women be turned off by an ambitious, independent black man? Well, it’s because, as much as we try to front like we are, men are not always good at multi-tasking when it comes to the balance of energy between career progression and building a relationship, especially when you get past a certain age. This becomes key when a black man meets a woman (regardless of race) that is used to and requires worship attention. I am one that refuses to subscribe to that because I honestly feel like I can have and pursue both at the same time; the key is to be in position with God’s plan to pursue both concurrently, which is what this journey is about for me. But I will say this much: just like there are parents telling their children to work hard, build your own, and find the one for you when it comes, I was told the same thing growing up as a young black man in LA. If you notice, most of the couples you see that are married before they are 25 (without a pappy in the background with a shotgun) are married because, chances are, the notion of finding someone you can build your empire with was implanted in them prior to them going to college, and as they journeyed out into the world, that was their focus; unfortunately, finding a wife was a distant second to establishing myself professionally.
Now, am I giving myself a self-prescribed way of dealing with my independence? Not at all. But the first thing you must do when you look to achieve a goal or look to improve in any way is to establish a baseline and know where you stand currently, which is what this entry is about. I know what my goals are, and the journey to the destination will be longer if you don’t understand what obstacles are in your way of getting there. This is my way of holding up the mirror and being 100 with myself, and understanding the nature of the beast that is ME.
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