I was out with some friends on Friday to start my 365 day countdown to the new 20, and the topic came up about a facebook status that I put up the previous week concerning the reactions to when you hear that someone is in a relationship/engaged/married. By this point, I had a couple in me, so I was being totally 100 with folks and letting them know (without the politeness) what I really thought. I said that, for the exception of one woman I have dated, although I have been happy when some of them have moved on and met someone else and built with them, I don’t think any of them were better for that girl than I was. PERIOD!!! Of course someone had to say, “well Rich, maybe they wanted them more than you did and did more to get them. Like your blog said, maybe they were just pressed.”
I admitted that very well could be the case, and that sometimes I believe that a lot of women more caught up in a man who satisfies the courtship checklist versus the right man for them. Given that I personally know a couple of women who came to that epiphany several weeks before they were to walk down the aisle, it’s a valid assumption (maybe more exceptional and a pattern, but still valid). Then my homegirl said ,”well maybe because they may not be the best dressed, the most charming, the best looking, the most in shape, have the best career, etc., but they did what they had to do to get her, and maybe you didn’t”. I held my grit in that I didn’t want to react, but she elaborated further:
I have found that men and women who are attractive and/or well off tend to be lazier in the dating game because they feel they don’t need to work as hard, don’t have to do as much. They figure that, because of who they are and/or what they have, that they will always have options. It’s usually the ones with the least amount of options that more likely to land someone and get married.
With all of the experiences in my life, I have definitely seen this as a pattern. Women complain about “successful” brothas who conduct themselves in such a fashion and don’t feel they need to work to get a chick, and brothas complain about that stuck up, model looking chick with the fat ass who requires high-level caking to keep her attention but don’t do a damn thing for him. And what’s the reward? The privilege of being with that person?! Ummmmm……….. yeah. And of course you’re thinking, “Why should I bust my ass to satisfy their lazy ass?”
Ok, the LA Brotha in me struggles with this often somewhat, and so does the “successful” brotha in me. As my female best friend said to me, it’s not about arrogance or being bourgeois, it’s about staying in your lane, and if your lane has a certain speed limit, then why slow down. But……….. at the same time, having that mentality in every aspect of your life will not get you anywhere, and will not always get you what you want. Regardless of how good you think you look, how stacked your bank account is, how many degrees you have, or how deep your roster is, it takes work to obtain and more work to maintain. Nothing in life worth obtaining is going to be just given to you. In your personal AND professional life, you have to know what it is that you want and position yourself to obtain it. Just because you want it doesn’t mean you deserve it or are entitled to it.
In the working world, and in dating, aesthetics are definitely important, but it’s only part of the whole package. After while, looks fade, and competency takes total precedence over how it is you look. So ladies, if you got that (job/man) because of your looks, make sure your competency and performance are parallel. Brothas, don’t deal with any woman who wouldn’t date you if you didn’t work on Wall Street, or were a junior partner at that downtown law firm. Don’t let your looks (ladies) or your paper (brothas) dictate how you treat other people. It’s not a good look.
I know I probably rambled a bit, but I’m curious to hear what the readers think on this subject.
Do you run into this often? Let me know.
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